Long Eyelashes, Pouty Lips & Blonde Hair

How is it possible that my Sweet Baby Boy will turn ONE in less then a month?  It really feels like just yesterday that I found out that I was pregnant with him, but then again he has filled a missing piece of our home & hearts so perfectly that it also feels like he has been around forever.

With each passing day I watch my baby turn into a toddler and as bittersweet as it is, it makes me yearn for the time not long ago that he was so small. Multiple times a day I find myself just staring at my little prince in complete admiration, and I think how...

I love the way he smiles when he sees his sisters each morning.
My favorite place to kiss him is the soft part right above his nose and in between his eyes.
He gets overly excited when he sees any animal and flaps his arms like a bird.
I am constantly chasing him around wherever we are taking things out of his hands or mouth.
Everyone complements him on his AWESOME hair & I'm sure that will never end.
I thought I had everything figured out about raising a baby until I had him.
He looks at me just like my dad does, and it makes me smile and thank genetics.
I never thought he would say Momma, but now whenever he does my heart flutters.
We joke about him being Albino, but I really think deep inside he just might be.

and...

He LOVES me more then anyone else, and it makes me feel like the most important person in the world. I know I'm the Queen of his castle, and that my importance in his life will probably never change.

Holden Enzo is the definition of a Momma's Boy, and we are both really okay with it!

Well...Hello there 30!

Today's my Birthday! My 30th Birthday to be exact. I know it sounds selfish to say that I'm a bit peeved that I had to share MY day this year with Jesus and the Easter Bunny, but I'm not going to lie. Sharing this year was a little more difficult then every other year when my birthday has fallen on Hitler's Birthday, the anniversary of Columbine, and 420! I suppose this is how my kids must feel when friends come over and they have to unwillingly share their favorite toys with our guests. And seeing how they have learned to do it with ease, I guess I should to because the Hubster has reassured me that this won't be the LAST time that my birthday will be celebrated on Easter! 

Regardless of the day, my Birthday this year was Great! I have been celebrated the past few weeks by my friends and family over several different occasions focused around making me feel special and loved as I approached my 30th year. It started with a surprise trip with just the Hubster and I to Solvang, followed by dinner & "The Book of Mormon," a lovely ladies night out at Maggiano's, a special family/friend pizza & ice cream bar put on by my parents, and today which was a hodge podge of Easter/Birthday celebrations! Everyone that knows me, really knows me, totally gets the fact that I LOVE to be celebrated, made the center of attention for a few hours or days, and infused with the feelings of being special and loved by those that mean the most to me. And, this year, all those around me have really done good, well spectacular actually! So, thank you! 

As I sit here and think about being 30, and what that means to me, so much is buzzing around in my brain. I suppose I should start with saying Goodbye to my 20's. For so many the 20's is a time to sew their wild oats, explore the world around them, find their "true" self, and then make a conscious effort to be a "grown-up." I  have never been "typical" when it comes to this growing up stuff. I've always been a little too mature for my peer group, a little too serious about life, a little more interested in finding who I was earlier rather then later and then acting upon it! So, like my usual self, I grabbed life by the horns and kept on riding the path of my 20's at a pace that even I found a little too fast at times! 

My 20's were filled with many milestones reached, many i's dotted and t's crossed, and many bucket list items crossed off! I graduated from college twice, got married to my best friend, had three beautiful children, bought a house (sorta), started a career (teaching) then put it on a hold for another (motherhood), learned how therapeutic and necessary therapy or simply talking to someone can actually be, traveled to several countries and across the US, bought my first & only brand new car that to this day makes me feel more alive then anything else, found my voice in writing and documenting my families lives, became a social media addict, learned how to be a really good friend, found a passion in sewing, crafting, and photography, and smiled, laughed and loved until my heart couldn't see straight! 

As lovely as my 20's were, there was a lot of learning, growing and hard work that took place. A lot of finding who I was and who I wanted to be that took some serious soul searching! I lost...some friends (or who I thought were friends rather), tears, my only living grandparent and then 2 of my husbands, my unborn child, and myself at times. My 20's were marked by challenges that many don't face until they are older or never really, and they shook me to the core and made me question ME! 

But, today I'm 30! It sounds so much older, wiser, and grown-up! Truth be told, I don't feel much different today then I felt yesterday! And, I certainly don't look much different, although today I did apply concealer on my gray bags under my eyes for the first time in my life! 30 is just a number! A number that tries to define who I am, and what I will accomplish this next decade. And, I guess that is one of the reasons why I've been a little nervous about turning 30. It's hard to really put into words why I feel this way, well actually it isn't, but those words are better left for a different post! Needless to say, my 20's provided so much newness, so much accomplishment, and so many life achieving goals that I feel that my 30's will just be a cruise-control, auto-pilot decade that I nestle into. Seeing how I'm not much of a nestler, this notion leaves me feeling antsy and troubled! 

Well..Hello there 30! I'm Katie Morad, nice to meet you! You make me more determined then ever to contradict these feelings about you that I have, and make you a time of adventure, a time of really digging deep within myself and becoming that woman (wife, mother, daughter, sister, & friend) that I am working hard to be, a time that I will look back on and have some of my fondest memories of! I am aware that you might present some hurdles that I won't necessarily enjoy jumping over, some lessons that I might be resistant to learn, and some heartache that will feel brutal. But...

I will leap

I will keep an open mind

I will listen

I will continue to stay determined

I will live in the moment

I will smile, cry, and dance

I will grow

I will love like I have never loved before

I will let it go (thank you Frozen for this little beauty)

And, I will belly laugh, because friends, it is necessary and feels so damn good at times!  

(Me..4/20/2014..30 years old..photo courtesey of Marci Phee)

Twas the Night Before Kindergarten

I'm sitting here at my sewing table, my arms are wrapped tightly around my third baby, I'm listening to Taylor Swifts song "Never Grow Up," and tears are streaming down my cheeks. It's not the song, or her voice, or necessarily the words that have moved me tonight. Instead, it's the fact that my first born is growing up, well hell lets be honest here, all three of my littles are growing up. But, it seems that Giulietta is growing up the fastest. And, maybe it's because she is my first born, or the fact that she is too tall and smart for her age, or perhaps because she is the one who does all the "firsts" first. Regardless of what it is, time ultimately feels like it is slipping right through my fat fingers just like sand, and the baby girl that I held so tightly in my arms not that long ago has turned into a "big girl" in just a blink of an eye. 

Throughout the last 4 years & 10 months there have been numerous milestones that have provided moments of bittersweet growing. For example, the first time she smiled, or when she took her first steps, or when her first word came across her pink little lips. And her growth was seen even more so when she started preschool, learned how to write her name, and when she welcomed both her younger sister & brother into our home.  But, all these events are nothing compared to what we will all experience & witness tomorrow. You see, tomorrow my sweet GEM starts Kindergarten. 

As an educator, I've been looking forward to this moment for a long time, well really since she was born. I've dreamed about what it would be like to drop her off at school, pick her up, and hear all about what she learned. I've thought about how fun it would be to work in her classroom, and possibly be a room mom. However, at this very moment, I just want to turn back time and hold my little baby in my arms again.  I want a few more years, days, even hours of her not quite school age innocence back. That may be unfair of me to say, or ask, but my heart is breaking while it smiles, and to be quite honest it's really uncomfortable and quite hard to do. 

I'm a wreck. Hell, I left a basket full of stuff at Target today, because I was so overwhelmed with emotions while back to school shopping, and I couldn't keep it together. I am worried about crazy mom like things such as whether or not she will be able to open all the baggies and wrappers that her lunch is in, or if she will be sitting by herself on the playground since her BFF's aren't attending her new school. The minute anyone mentions Kindergarten, or my mind thinks about the moment I will kiss my little lady goodbye and walk out to my car tomorrow, tears well in my eyes and I can't stop them from coming. And, as the lump in my throat, that I've been holding back for months, tries harder and harder to make itself known, I smile bigger and bigger when Giulietta is around. I may have a bit of anxiety about my baby girls growing up and moving on, but I certainly don't want to project that on her. So, tonight when she told me she was nervous about "Big Girl" school tomorrow, I simply smiled and told her she would do great!  I know my baby girl is ready, as much as my heart may not be. And, as nervous and anxious as I am about her transition and growth from Preschool to "Big Girl" school, I'm really excited for my daughter too. 

Giulietta's school supplies are all nestled in a bag by the door, her teachers gifts are done & ready to be handed off, her lunch is packed and waiting in the fridge, her backpack is filled with two new Tiger folders that she meticulously picked out today at Target, her new dress I made her for her first day of Kindergarten is hanging next to her bed, her "tinkle toes" tennies that Nana bought her a week or so ago are lying on the floor ready to be filled with running feet, and her special pancake breakfast muffin mix is sitting in the fridge all ready to be cooked and eaten tomorrow morning. Tomorrow will be a busy and exciting day full of newness, growth, and learning. And, I can't wait to see my sweet Giulietta stretch her wings and soar to great heights throughout this next year in Kindergarten. 

Giulietta's First Birthday

October 2009

Photo courtesy of my talented friend Molly Marie Williams